My grandfather passed away yesterday. His children were with him, and he knew it. I am told it was peaceful and painless. I am doing okay. I don’t really want to talk about it, though.
We found blood in my parents’ cat’s urine (Cinnamon) on Tuesday; we brought her to the vet and they said it was probably either a UTI or cystitis. So they gave her some fluids and an antibiotic shot and took a urine sample to test. The results came back negative yesterday morning, and since she was still having difficulties, I took her back and they gave her more fluids and a steroid shot. I think she’s feeling a bit better, now, but we’re still keeping a close eye on her.
I am behind on PBP- I missed last week’s L and I have today’s M to do. My room is a disaster. I am largely out of fucks to give, at the moment.
I feel a bit zombie-ish. And it’s not that I’m in mourning- I mean, I am. He’s gone and it makes me cry if I think about it for too long. I hadn’t seen him in… at least five years? Possibly more? And we didn’t talk on the phone that much because we didn’t have anything to talk about. So I miss him. But his passing was not a surprise to me. When I heard he’d passed out in his kitchen, and that was why he was rushed to the hospital, I knew it wasn’t good. When I heard he’d been coughing up blood- a new development in his asbestosis- I knew it was the end. I worried about my mother and my aunt and my uncles getting out there in time, because I didn’t want him to die alone. And he didn’t, for which I am deeply thankful. I won’t get to see his face again to say goodbye, because he’s being cremated, but that’s okay.
I don’t know. I mean, obviously I am saddened. His picture will go on my Beloved dead shrine, and I will write him a letter on his birthday in two months, and life will go on. As terrible as it sounds, my life will not change overmuch.
I wonder if maybe it’s all the stress compacted into two weeks that’s got my mind hovering somewhere out-of-body. I had pre-menstrual hormonal bullshit making me off kilter, and then the news about Grandpa, and then dealing with Cinnamon, and knowing I have a move that I need to pack for- my brain just checked out. It took a vacation without checking the schedule first, and now I’m down a very important member of the Me-Team in a period when I could really use a full staff, and possibly a few auxiliary temps.
I can’t even muster the motivation to watch tv.
I need to do something, because this sitting is making me feel worse; not only am I sad but I feel lazy, too.