PBP12: J is also for Journals
(Still catching up!)
Keeping a journal has been a big part of my life for a long time, but unlike a lot of the longtime journal-writers I know, I didn’t really start until I was introduced to the internet. I tried, repeatedly, as a child to keep a handwritten journal, but my attention would wander too quickly. There was too little going on in my life of interest to write about, and going back through my old entries held no joy.
Of course, the internet changed everything, as it is wont to do. From my earliest days online, I was keeping a public journal- first on my own hosted sites, coded in the simplest html with crappy Paint graphics, and improving (slowly) from there. (Okay, I admit my very first website was not a blog. It was a Sailor Moon fansite. I was 11! ) For a very long time I had no comment functionality- not even a chatbox or a tagboard- so I was still talking to myself, but there was something different. I still haven’t figured out what.
I am now going on 26, and since those days I have always had a blog, even if I would disappear for weeks at a time. I went from my own hosted sites to livejournal (and then to another and then another and possibly a fourth- it’s been so long I’m not sure anymore); then I wandered back to my own hand-coded crappy html, and then eventually made the transition to WordPress. Almost all of these blogs are lost to me, now. (Which isn’t such a bad thing, because honestly, I whined a lot.)
Over these years I have repeatedly asked myself why. Why do I blog? Why do I feel the need to share my thoughts with the internet? I don’t do the journaling that many other pagans do- I don’t record my spellwork or my rituals or my dreams. I’ve recorded my divination attempts a grand whopping once. I have no particular insight or experience to share. I am trying to build a path, but it’s not something I’m comfortable sharing with everyone, so I’ve only blogged about it sporadically. (I’ve thought about doing password protected entries, but they make me feel twitchy and I don’t know why. Possibly because I have always been too shy to ask my online friends to be included in their password-locked entries.) (I may create a public, but not widely shared, subdomain off of this one and use that. Hm.)
It boils down to: even though I am not sharing anything particularly interesting, keeping a journal helps me keep my brain in order. It helps me stay in touch/up to date with people I might not otherwise. It gives me the opportunity to gain insight from people reading, and maybe shows others that they’re not the only one in the same mess.
Do you keep a journal? Why or why not? Do you want to change that?